Coyote Rising

As the Coyote rises from the valley up onto the plateau to live again, so shall I rise up from the ashes of my past life which has haunted me for so many years. Rather than dwell in the dark quagmire of not knowing the answers to my questions, I will embrace the mystery of the questions for which there are no answers. I will hold close to my heart the beautiful recollections and archive the bad memories to a place far in the back of my mind. I will accept that the past is fixed, and that nothing and no one can alter its existence. I must accept that the past has done irreparable damage to my heart, but that the damage done shall not affect my love in this time. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I have stood before evil, faced it and conquered it. I rise again.

I wrote this little tome many years ago after a particularly rough spot in my life. Someone told me the story of the Phoenix and it made me realize that the only way I was going to pull myself up out of my situational depression, was to figuratively burn my past and start anew. It took about four days of solitary contemplation on a lonely beach until finally my mind was cleared of the confusion of “What went wrong?”

I realized there were no answers. That the turmol in my life was blameless and without reason. Things just happen. It’s as simple as that, and dwelling on what could have been, or maybe, what should have been, was useless.

Since that first tragedy, I have called upon this concept many times to get me through tough times again and again. Events happen that are not within our control. Perhaps if we had thought the entire situation through, we could have made changes, but once things take place, what’s done is done. The past cannot be revisited.

A friend of mine, a Rabbi, once told me that every second of everyday, the world is totally re-created. Which translates to mean that we have the opportunity every second of everyday to re-create our lives. To live in the moment. We have no control of the past, and certainly we do not know the future. So you try and plan for the unexpected, but don’t dwell in what may happen. Instead celebrate the present and learn to appreciate “NOW”.

After reading my little tome, a beautiful woman wrote the following paragraph to me:

Your web site gave me more insight into you and your very interesting life. People don’t get to be our age without having experienced some pretty painful stuff (and hopefully some pretty awesome stuff too) along the way. For me when I ponder the proverbial question of Why? I know the answer is “to teach, to learn,and to grow,to heal”. I’ve learned that when people go through a difficult experience they (hopefully) have inner resources from which to pull from (of course not all people). I asked myself; well, what are those “inner resources” and I believe it is the ability to find meaning and purpose from that painful event or traumatic experiences.

She will never realize how much her statement meant to me. Her insight and ability to create an answer for my questions is phenomenal.

“K” You are a brilliant woman. Thank you for your gift.